You didn't really think that Kelly Osbourne would go down in defeat without issuing a barrage of obscenity, did you? Us Magazine caught up with Ozzy's kid after she was beat out by dentally gifted Mormon Donny Osmond on Tuesday night's Dancing With the Stars, and her response to the loss was about as graceful as Jennifer Lopez's American Music Awards performance. Declared Kelly, "Everyone kept coming up to me and saying, 'Are you okay? Are you okay?' And I'm like, 'I never f*cking thought I was going to win anyway!'" That's right, Kel; you just keep telling yourself that. But hey; Osbourne's Dancing With...

We're disgusted by CBS and this double standard!!!!!!

As we previously mentioned, Adam Lambert appeared on CBS' The Early Show on Wednesday morning to address the controversy surrounding his kiss at the AMAs.

But!

The network blurred out the image of Glambert kissing his band member even though moments later CBS aired the clip of Madonna and Britney making out at the VMA's completely uncensored.

How is this okay???????

Although he's attempting to sell footage of himself and ex-wife Jennifer Lopez, Ojani Noa claims that he does not have a sex tape!

"They think I have a sex tape with her and that I'm trying to sell it," he said. "My tape is from our honeymoon, the wedding, us hanging out. There's no nudity—maybe one spanking."

Such a gentleman!

"There's moments of her fighting with her mom…couples having fun and kissing. If someone has a sex tape, it's not me," he continued.

Above all, Noa is still fighting to release the mockumentary, How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J.Lo and Ojani Noa Story, but Lopez has continually shut him down with several lawsuits and injuctions.

"I'm not going to harm anybody," insists Noa. "I'm a great guy. If I was going to hurt anybody I have had many, many chances to do it. I always wish her the best. The mockumentary is about me escaping from Cuba and living here. They think it's about her but it's not. It's about me."

That's right, hun! It's always about you!

[Image via WENN.]

The early numbers are in, and Susan Boyle's first-week U.S. album sales are projected even higher than before!

SuBo's I Dreamed A Dream is expected to sell 550,000 copies this week - 50,000 more than what Billboard previously thought!

You go, SuBo!

And congrats to GaGa, who is expected to come in at #2 this week in first week sales by pushing an impressive 350,000 copies of The Fame Monster (200,000 copies of the EP and 150,000 copies of the deluxe version of the album)!

Glambert rounds out the top three with the expected sales of his debut album, For Your Entertainment, projected at being 225,000 by the week's close.

Impressive!

[Image via WENN.]

Filed under: Politix, Exclusives, Maria Shriver, Muffingate

Maria Shriver crossed the line yesterday when she went shoe and muffin shopping in Santa Monica yesterday without feeding her meter ... but several law enforcement sources say they also have problems with the way the situation was handled.One law ...

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Parents of America, let it be known: Adam Lambert will not watch your kids for you. After getting 86'ed from Good Morning America, the American Idol fave appeared on CBS' The Early Show on Wednesday to dazzle the audience with his fabulousness, and quite naturally the subject of his sexually charged American Music Awards performance came up. Deflecting co-anchor Maggie Rodriguez's "won't somebody think of the children" line of questioning, Glambo declared, "I think it's up to the parents to discern what their child's watching on television...I'm not a babysitter, I'm a performer." Thanks for clearing up the confusion, Adam! You mean babysitters...

Ew!

It seems Rob Kardashian has a fetish for the stern and worldly because the boy is effing dating adult "actress" Lisa Ann - and the girl has been everywhere!

Lisa stars in the Palin porn tribute Who's Nailin' Paylin?

She did attend Khloe's wedding as Rob's date, so maybe she's something more than just a booty call!

"Rob treats me like his little teacher and we have a fun sexual relationship that is simple and carefree. He brings out the total cougar in me and I just like to teach him things," said Lisa Ann.

Yikes!

The Kardashian family can't be too happy about this! Guess his peen is Going Rogue!

[Image via WENN.]

"Just keepin it real," she says after posting a photo of herself before her "beauty team" arrives

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