For many, Humpday signifies the middle of the workweek, when we're exactly halfway between the memories (and mistakes) we made last weekend and the ones we'll make next. But here at Celebuzz, Humpday means that Colin Goldman, our resident Celebrity Hookup Enthusiast (who actually knows next to nothing about legit celebrity love news) sets his mind to wondering -- Are They or Aren't They? Today's edition of Humpday Roundup salutes COMPLETELY BOGUS RELATIONSHIP RUMORS!  Almost all Hollywood romantic rumors are absolutely ridiculous, you know, despite the large amount of unsafe sex taking place across this town, let alone in Lindsay's backseat. Still on the day...

Oh, FrankenHeidi!

Montag has the faith that some network will be interested in her new idea for reality TV!

The show, titled 20 Seven Miles, will be about a group of teens in Malibu who are "out to make a difference in the world and break the stereotypes of teenagers in Malibu," says Heidi.

Tells Montag: "We have already linked up with numerous charities and want these kids to show the power of youth while being good-looking, funny and of course the drama of being a teenager."

Bo-ring!

Where's the dramz?

[Image via WENN.]

Now here's something to finish your day off with. Feast your eyes on these brand spankin' new pics of Kim and Kourtney Kardashian in their bikinis in Miami from earlier today. The curvy sisters were filming scenes from their reality show Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami" and looked seriously H-O-T. Enough chitchat. Click through our gallery and enjoy that little ZOOM feature. You're welcome.

We don't know…this sounds a little too crazy!

Former Variety writer Nicole LaPorte is releasing a book about Steven Spielberg called The Man Who Would Be King, and in it, she claims the director has major issues with secrecy and paranoia - so much so that he has a motorcycle parked outside his office in case he needs to escape!

WTF??

LaPorte writes:

"His passion for secrecy sometimes suggests a burgeoning near-paranoia."

Some other claims include:

"In Spielberg's office, hanging above his desk, a plexiglass half-moon keeps sound from reverberating so that his phone conversations remain ultra-confidential. When an assistant once asked what the funny thing over Spielberg's desk was, a security guard referred to it as a 'dome of silence.' "

"When . . . Spielberg's longtime editor views footage in the screening room, a black cloth is draped over the projection booth window to hide the screen."

"Every document that leaves the office — a script, development report, even a memo — is coded, so that should it somehow get into the wrong hands . . . the person responsible for the breach can be identified."

"When Spielberg isn't at [his office], live-cam images are streamed to his home. There are also measures to protect against earthquakes or attacks, as Spielberg believes in being prepared . . . At one point, employees were given survival kits including gas masks and other amenities."

Ca-raaaaazy.

A rep for the director claims:

"This description is so far from the real world of Steven that it doesn't deserve a comment. If the rest of the book is like this excerpt, readers can expect very little of what they read to be true."

What do U think?? Is this all bull or Spielberg a nutso??

[Image via WENN.]

Just to clarify, we are not talking about Breaking Dawn. Shocking as this may sound, Stephenie Meyer has written other books than Twilight.

Okay, only one other book, but it still exists and apparently, has the potential for the big screen. Sources say the film adaptation of Meyer's adult novel, The Host, could begin as early as next year.

This could mean, depending on the start date for Breaking Dawn and the possibility of two movies, that The Host could make it to theaters before the end of the Twilight franchise.

If they had them out at the same time, Summit would make a KILLING! Twi-hards wouldn't know what to do with themselves! Something to think about!

But then again, do Twi-hards care about stories that don't involve sparkling vampires?

Well, do U?

You'd think that someone as lovely as Ed Westwick is wouldn't mind having his picture taken, but apparently such is not the case. The dashing Gossip Girl star reportedly pitched a big-time fit recently when a fellow diner at New York eatery Los Feliz dared to point a camera in the actor's direction. The best part? The guy wasn't even taking Westwick's picture. So take it easy, pretty boy. According to the unfortunate shutterbug who incurred Westwick's wrath, he was merely documenting his night out with pals at his own table when the man who plays Chuck Bass came charging at...

This is gonna be intense!

Both Paranormal Activity 2 and Saw VII 3D are planning on being released at the end of October!

It'll be a Halloween horror movie showdown!

Although Paramount wasn't positive that the Paranormal Activity sequel would be completed in time, both flicks are scheduled to be released on October 22nd.

Which will U see first???

She'll be perfect for the job!

Miz Gabourey Sidibe has been tapped to host an upcoming episode of SNL!

No word on when Sidibe's episode is scheduled for, but we know it'll bring some serious LOLs.

Gaby has a wicked sense of humor!

We can't wait!

[Image via WENN.]

She speaks!

We reported earlier that Heather Mills is currently in court duking it out with her former nanny, Sara Trumble, who claims the monster de-moted her to a housekeeper when she requested time off to take care of her own child!

clASSy!

Of course, Mucca took the stand and gave everyone a nice, hearty laugh when she - SHOCKER - alleged that she is an absolute delight to work for and Trumble just wants her tainted, gold-digging hard-earned money!

Says Mucca:

"I treated Sara like my daughter, because she often said her mum was cold and distant. I spent much of my time consoling her especially as she was having relationship problems. She is very motivated by money, this seems to be her motive in making a claim. I suspect she became aggrieved because I declined to pay for her breast enlargement surgery. None of my staff have had any qualifications. I like taking people on and making them better themselves. As is my history of being overly helpful Heather."

HA.

The only way Heather Mills is overly helpful is if we feel the need to gouge our eyes out and need some last minute motivation!!

Evil hack.

[Image via WENN.]

A national sensation! We wouldn't be surprised if every major city in America has one!

One of our amaze-balls Perez readers sent us this picture of Vegas' version of our beloved Pretty (Wo)Man! And he/she is talking shit!!!

Our reader asked if he/she was one in the same, to which he/she replied, "No, that guy has a much smaller penis!"

Hmm. Just for that, we are dubbing you the Prickly (Wo)Man! At least our guy/gal doesn't need to stuff his bra!!!

We miss out Pretty (Wo)Man! Where is he/she???